10 Things You Don't Know About Women

1. Women are innately self-conscious. This is not a choice; it's a gender wide condition. On a bad day, I look in the mirror and see my ten-pound-heavier alter ego.

2. Women produce half the world's food but own only 1 percent of its farmland.

3. Women like porn, too. We just hate it when you hide the porn.

4. Women remember everything. Don't believe me? Ask your girlfriend where you met. She won't tell you it was at a party. She'll say it was a Thursday, she had just come from dinner, where she ate a veggie burger, and she was wearing her friend’s pink top, which was big on her because her friend is a big girl. You were wearing a blue button-down, drinking a Coke, and talking to a friend. She waved and you gave her the "what's up" nod.

5. An eyelash curler, while mean and ferocious looking, is not a weapon.

6. No matter how much your woman loves you, there are going to be three to seven days each month when she wants you dead. (She may even quietly fantasize about turning her eyelash curler against you.)

7. We think it's weird when you watch sports and concentrate to help your team.

8. "Hey, Mona, who's the boss?" Not a good pickup line. "Hey, Phoebe, where'd you park your broomstick?" Not a good pickup line. "Hey, Alyssa, you look 250 pounds lighter than Tina in that dress." Surprisingly, good pickup line.

9. Women “get it” better than men. That's before you even factor in listening skills and attention spans. Come to think of it, I should have listed this one first because I'm sure I've lost you by now.

10. You may be surprised to know that women were responsible for inventing all of the following: the circular saw, the signal flare, the space suit, the bulletproof vest, and the windshield wiper. You're welcome.

Tips for all you Gals!!

Here are something i came across, just wanted to share it with u gals...easy and useful.

Lemon and Yeast Facial

1-2 tsp active dry yeast*
1 Tbsp lemon juice

Mix active dry yeast with lemon juice until it forms a paste. Spread on face and neck and allow to dry. Rinse off and moisturize. This facial is the best for eliminating blackheads, shrinking pores and generally making your skin glow - and it's so gentle you could do it every day!

*active dry yeast is sold in the baking section of most stores. It's best to refrigerate after opening.

Citrus Facial Scrub

1/2 grapefruit or orange
1 Tbsp sugar

Take half of a grapefruit or orange, dip it in the sugar, and gently rub on your face in a circular motion, avoiding the eye area. Let your skin dry, then rinse and moisturize.

Pineapple Pickup

1 slice pineapple
Warm water

Dip a washcloth in warm water and hold it to your face and neck for about a minute. Then rub the pineapple slice on your skin. Let your skin dry, then rinse with more warm water and moisturize. Tip: you can also use the rinds from a fresh pineapple!

Fruit Facial

1/4 avocado* or 1/8 papaya** or 2-3 strawberries***

Mash fruit with a fork. Apply to your face and neck. You will probably want to lay down with a towel under your head, as this mask does not dry on your skin. Rest for 5-20 minutes (the longer the better), rinse and moisturize.

Don't know what to do with those overripe bananas? Mash 1/3 of a banana that you weren't going to eat anyway, mix it with a little milk or yogurt or sour cream and apply to your skin as directed above.

For other variations on this home spa treatment, mix an egg or yogurt with the mashed fruit.

*avocado is an excellent treatment for dry, mature or dehydrated skin
**papaya enzymes are excellent for normal, oily, or combination skin
***good for all skin types - the strawberry mask tingles a bit, this is normal

Pumpkin Facial

1 Tbsp canned pumpkin (if you have fresh cooked pumpkin or raw pulp use that instead)
1 tsp honey
1 tsp lemon juice

Mix ingredients and apply to face and neck. Let sit for 10-20 minutes then rinse with warm water. You can turn this recipe into a scrub by adding 1 tsp granulated sugar. Pumpkin is rich in vitamin A which is great for the skin!

Avocado Eye Treatment

2 slices avocado

Place an avocado slice under each eye. Rest for 10-15 minutes, remove and rinse. This eye treatment reduces puffiness and it also nourishes and moisturizes the delicate undereye area.

Cucumber Eye Treatment

2 slices cucumber

Place a cucumber slice on each eye. Rest for 10-15 minutes, remove and rinse if desired. Cucumber is very soothing, mildly astringent and skin-tightening.

Lemon Water Toner

1 Tbsp lemon juice
2-3 Tbsp spring water

Mix lemon and water and apply to face with a cotton ball, avoiding the eyes. A great toner for oily skin in particular. You can make this in advance, and store in a spray bottle in the refrigerator for ease of use. Lemon water toner keeps for about a week.

Cucumber Toner

1 Tbsp minced or grated cucumber
2-3 Tbsp water

Mix cucumber and water and apply to face with a cotton ball, avoiding the eyes. A great toner for all skin types! You can make this in advance, and store in a spray bottle in the refrigerator for ease of use. Cucumber water toner keeps for about 4 days.

Tip: to simplify this recipe even further, just take 2-3 slices of fresh cucumber, rub the slices on your face and neck, leave on for 5-10 minutes and rinse if desired. Korea and Vietnam tells fresh cucumber is widely used in their countries for all its amazing benefits to the skin.

TIPS FOR MEN

1. The reason why our bras don't always match our underwear is because WE actually change our underwear.

2. The next time you and your buddies joke about armed women in combat, take a poll to see which of you successfully aim at the toilet rim.

3. If we're watching football with you--it's not bonding--it's their butts.

4. Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say after the movie.

5. It s not her fault when she scores higher while you both play games..It comes naturally

6. Please don't drive when you're not driving.

7. If you were really looking for an honest answer, you wouldn't ask in bed.

8. The next time you joke about female drivers, research the number of accidents caused by men.

9. If only women gossip, how do you and your friends keep track of "who's easy"?

10. Keep complaining about how long your girlfriend takes to get ready, you'll soon find yourself complaining how careless she has become.

They wish .....

The 9 worst things in MEN!

1.MEN LOOK CUTE RIGHT WHEN THEY WAKE UP
This is completely unfair. When a guy wakes up, his hair’s a little messy and he has that slight stubble that the models always have. Women, on the other hand, look like hell. Once, after a really great date, we woke to find a false eyelash sticking out of my nose. Best to wake up first, run into the bathroom, apply makeup, reshave all body parts, and put hot rollers in your hair. Then sneak back into bed and pretend to wake up when he does, at which point you laugh girlishly, being very careful not to get lipstick on your teeth.

2.SMALL PENISES
I’ve heard there are women who like penises small. I’ve never met a woman who does. Let’s be honest: The reason we have sex with men is because of the penis. No woman is going to prefer one she’s not even sure is there. And polite sexual etiquette does not allow you to ask, “Is that your penis, or were you eating a pickle spear in bed?”

3.LARGE PENISES
Men with large penises think they can get away with anything. Not calling. Dating other women. Burping in public. Expecting you to do their laundry. Forgetting to buy you a Groundhog Day present. They just think they’re God’s gift to women. Unfortunately, they are.

4.MEN SUDDENLY BECOME SEX-STARVED
This is a time when men can really be pigs. They tell you you’re sexy and you know they’re just lying to get you into bed. I mean, how could anyone in sweat clothes with greasy hair and a big chunk of Snickers bar on her chin look sexy? Give me a break.

5.MEN LOVE TO BUY YOU G-STRINGS
Men like looking at women in G-strings, so they buy them for us as a gift, thinking we like them. We don’t. We just pretend to like them when we open the box. OK, sure, they’re fine to wear for ten minutes when making an entrance into a bedroom right before you make love. But they’re useless for anything else. Have you ever tried to clean your house while wearing a G-string? You reach for a dust bunny under the bed and, whoa! The
string suddenly gooses you in ways you don’t want to be goosed. How about sitting on a vinyl car seat on a hot day? Or you’re wearing your G-string and, surprise, a gust of wind blows your dress up? Hello!

6. MEN LIKE A MOVIE TO HAVE AT LEAST ONE NAKED WOMAN IN IT
You reluctantly agree to go to a “guy” movie with your guy. Bruce Willis, who just won’t Die Hard. Suddenly there’s a woman in the movie, wearing almost no clothes. Why do men need this? In the hour and a half that you’ve been in the theater, have they forgotten what a naked woman looks like? Do they need a constant reminder?

7.NOSE HAIRS
Why do men grow nose hairs? Women don’t. It’s so mysterious. They even have special machines, like tiny Roto-Rooters, that you can buy for them through catalogs. A man gets very embarrassed if you mention that he has a wild stray hair.

8.MEN COULD SLEEP ALL DAY..AND STILL COMPLAIN!
Its totally unfair when on holidays they get to sleep all day, wake up and still complain about the food, what he wants to wear, what movie he doesn,t have with him, the noise which the neighbour carpenter makes, the heat (if its a sunny day), or the cold (if its a rainy day)...etc etc..I could go on like this forever..

9.A MAN WILL HOG A WHOLE DESSERT
When women eat together in a restaurant, it doesn’t matter how many there are—2, 6, 20—they will order a single dessert. And 20 forks. Then, not wanting to look like pigs, the women will divide the dessert evenly, leaving one last bite that no one will touch. A man, on the other hand, will just start chowing down on the dessert as soon as it’s set on the table. And you’d better grab a fork and dive in or you won’t get any, because a man will actually eat a whole dessert—including the last bite!

How men Communicate

The 9 best things in MEN!!!!

1.THEIR HAIR IS THE KEY TO THEIR PERSONALITY

You can tell how well a man will treat you simply by looking at his hair. A balding man is just so grateful to go out with you, he will treat you with the love and respect you deserve. A man with gorgeous hair will be a jerk. Take Brad Pitt in Legends of the Fall. OK, sure, that was just a character, but you know a guy with hair that beautiful is going to be a bad-news boyfriend. He’ll cheat on you, he’ll steal your conditioner. Best to go for the bald.

2.MOST MEN FEEL PRESSURED TO BUY YOU STUFF ON MAJOR HOLIDAYS
This is fabulous, except they sometimes forget a major holiday is coming up. So it’s your job to remind them. The anniversary of the first time you made love, and the anniversary of the first time he let you be in charge of the remote control. Also, it’s very important to have your gift picked out in advance; otherwise, you’re likely to get a blender or a G-string.

3.IN A RESTAURANT, MEN GO TO THE BATHROOM ALONE
Women go to the bathroom in pairs. If men went in pairs, you would wonder what they were doing in there so long. You would get paranoid. Are they talking about me? Are they rebuilding a carburetor? Are they assembling a stereo? Have they left through the bathroom window? This must be how men feel when women go, and explains why they are so insecure.

4.YOU’VE GOT A GUARANTEED DATE ON NEW YEAR’S EVE
No matter how much you want to break up with your boyfriend—even if you have to go visit him in prison—on New Year’s Eve he’d better be your date, damn it! Women do not like to be alone on New Year’s Eve. They will do anything to avoid it. I had a girlfriend who hadn’t hooked a date for the big night and was completely panicked. A guy called her up, thinking her number was the line for Domino’s Pizza, and ordered a pep-peroni with extra cheese. She delivered the pizza, they ate it, and then made mad, passionate love in his tollbooth.

5.IT’S EASY TO KNOW A MAN’S FEELINGS
Want to find out if a man really loves you? Ask him to go clothes shopping with you. Men like shopping for women’s clothes as much as they like having red-hot needles stuck in their eyes. If he’s willing to go and sits patiently while you model 14 different outfits, he really loves you. If he hits on the salesgirl while you’re in the dressing room, he doesn’t.

6.THEY CAN DO MANUAL LABOR
Men can take out garbage cans, lift sofas, and change tires. Jobs you wouldn’t want to do in a million years. Jobs that, if you absolutely had to do them, would make you cry. To get men to do these jobs, all you have to do is whine.

7.YOU CAN WEAR THEIR UNDERWEAR
Boxer shorts are amazing. They’re big, they’re baggy, most men look adorable in them, and they are wonderful to borrow. You can sleep in them, lounge around the house in them, and with a cute T-shirt and the right shoes, you can even wear boxers out to breakfast! A word of caution: Don’t borrow their jockey shorts. Jockey shorts are just too weird. They have that extra pocket in the front—what is that for? Change? Their car keys? Plus, what if, God forbid, his jockey shorts are too tight for you? This would mean that your butt is bigger than his—and is there a more depressing thought?

8.MEN AREN’T DUMB ENOUGH TO BE PROFESSIONAL CHEERLEADERS
Every professional sports team has cheerleaders. Women who run around in skimpy costumes, who follow the team from city to city, who spend hours practicing dorky routines, and who get paid almost nothing. Is this a career? Why do they do it? So they can marry one of the players and never have to work again?

9.MEN DON’T GET PERIODS
As frustrating as men can be, can you imagine what they would be like if they got periods? If you had to deal with them bragging about their gas mileage and crying because their oil needed to be changed? What if you found them hiding in the closet, reading Sports Illustrated while chugging a pint of Haagen-Dazs? Maybe it’s good they’re insensitive.

Dont worry..."The 9 worst things also comming up!!!!"

Nightmares!!!!

U see in ur sleep (i would't call it a "dream") that you found dead - some one whose very close to you, you really love. Your goin crazy over it that you find yourself unable to cry over the grief but still trying to burst it out. And then after a looooong time..you succeed and cry all you want, thinking about how you would survive without that person.
The same night, u see yourself having a fine and fun swim with one of your friends. The water is a bit shallow than usual. Then suddenly, the friend tries to drown you, by pushing your body a little deeper in to the water. Though the water is shallow, you find your self unable to breath with the force over your head, that you couldn't come up. The friend is enjoying the scene where you are begging for your life.......and then just as you are out of your breath and couldn't take it anymore, and just as you know its ur last minute alive...........you wake up with a shock, with tired and short breaths.

Ps: Any smart explanations for this.....u'r most welcome :)

What more proof do you need????

Top 10 things..........

The top ten things men would do if they woke up and had a vagina for a day

10. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for boobs too.
09. Immediately go shopping.............
08. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.
07. Get picked up in a café in less than 10 minutes.
06. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.
05. Make sure to use 100% protection, in order to avoid ending up being pregnant
04. Finally feel what it is like to live in a dump
03. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.
02. Have the certain urge to clean up any place u come across.
01. Never have to reach down every so often to make sure your privates are still there.

The top ten things women would do if they woke up and had a penis for a day

10. get a better paid Job.
9. Finally hits you where you feel, this is the look where they see when you are talking to a woman, and picturing her naked.
8. Feel what it’s so great when u whistle or try a line to a girl who u just ran into.
7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.
6. U don’t shave…..and nobody notices!
5. find out what its like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.
4. touch/shift yourself in public without thought to how improper it may seem.
3. jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.
2. understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a mans eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.
1. Finally gets to spend a day without being pathetically emotional.

The Difference between Men And Women....

Question - What would you do if I died? A definite no-win question.(The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Lotus and a Boat").

WOMAN: Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!
WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.
WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.
WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
MAN: (makes audible groan)
WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?
WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed.
WOMAN: - - - silence - - -
MAN: ----Shit----

Abnormal Kit Kat bars

A few questions you might take the time to ponder.

1. Can you cry under water?
2. Why are you "in" a movie, but you're "on" TV?
3. Since bread is square, then why is most sandwich meat round?
4. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
5. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up 10 times every hour?
6. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
7. Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavoring, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
8. Do cows have calf muscles?
9. Why aren't there bullet-proof pants?
10. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
11. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
12. Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
13. Why do they call it a TV "set" when you only get one?
14. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called "rush hour"?
15. If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

Memories

Been a while since ive had time to scribble on sumthin here. Just been a bit busy and watever. Anyway, a lot has hapnd since. Yea..my "Birthday"...now to get to my point...i just wanted to thank u guyz (poisonivy and senario) for the great time we had on that nite. I mean the food, the fun with the "book"...was really fun and i wasnt expectin any of it this year.
But it went out real good, in fact, i had surprise party from my office guys as well. N i really thank thank them too, coz it realy surprised me (seriously)...i thought we were watchin a movy and all of a sudden we had to go for a coffee ..and next thing i knew, i was in my surprise party at Seahouse!...had a great time with cake and PRESENTS...wel...was a great birthday this year..thanx to all my frends. I just wanted to remind my pals of the great birthdays i had through these past years. They all were great.And the greatest of all was we hangin out together plus...the "CARD"..i knoww. It was a tradition within us that we receive a card from the rest of us on our birthdays. i wud like u guys to take a luk at them and remind u of how stupid we were.kekeke PS. They are extra large sized cards (which makes them special).And thank u poisonIvy for all the hard work u did for all of us, although we gav u a very "pretty" card on ur birthday!

learn to speak chinese in 5 minutes!

1. that's not right - sum ting wong
2. are you harbouring a fugitive? - hu yu hai ding
3. see me asap - kum hia nao
4. stupid man- dum fuk
5. small horse - tai ni po ni
6. did you go to the beach? - wai yu so tan
7. i bumped into a coffee table - ai bang mai fa kin ni
8. i think you need a face lift - chin tu fat
9. it's very dark in here - wao so dim
10. thought you were on a diet - wai yu mun ching
11. this is a tow away zone - no pah king
12. our meeting is scheduled for next week - wai yu kum nao
13. staying out of sight - lei ying lo
14. he's cleaning his automobile - wa shing ka
15. your body odour is offensive - yu stin ki pu
16. great - fa kin su pah

A scene from last night [Time 22:15]

Marriage

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another: "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:"Husband Wanted".Next day she received a hundred lettersThey all said the same thing:"You can have mine."

When a woman steals your husband,there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

Then there was a woman who said,"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,and by then, it was too late."

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life, thinking they had no faults at all.

A Woman's Prayer:Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man, to Love and to forgive him, and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death"

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy." The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up."

Restroom Study

A PSYCHOLOGICAL STUDY OF TYPES OF MEN IN THE REST ROOM

EXCITABLE: Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.
SOCIABLE: Joins friends in piss, if he has to or not.
NOSEY: Looks into urinal to see how other guy is fixed.
CROSSEYED: Looks into urinal to the left, pisses into one in the middle, flushes the one on the left.
TIMID: Cannot urinate if someone is watching. Flushes urinal as if he had gone, sneaks back later.
INDIFFERENT: All urinals are being used, he pisses in sink.
CLEVER: No hands, shows off by fixing tie, looks around, pisses on the floor.
WORRIED: Is not sure of what he has been doing lately, makes quick inspection.
FRIVOLOUS: Plays stream up and down urinal, tries to hit fly.
ABSENT MINDED: Opens vest, pulls on tie, pisses in pants.
DISGUSTED: Stands for awhile, gives up, walks away.
SNEAK: Farts silently while leaking, acts innocent, hopes that the man in the next stall will be blamed.
CHILDISH: Leaks directly into urinal bottom, likes to see the bubbles.
PATIENT: Stands very close for a long time, reads newspaper with his other hand.
EFFICIENT: Waits till he has to take a crap, then does both.
TOUGH: Bangs dong against urinal to dry it off.
FAT: Has to stand back to take a long blind shot at urinal, misses and pisses in shoe.
LITTLE: Stands on box, falls in urinal, drowns.
DRUNK: Holds left thumb in right hand, pisses in pants.
WITHDRAWN: Places feet in urinal, pisses down leg, thus eliminating noise.
IMPATIENT: Always in a hurry, pisses down back of guy using urinal in front of him.

Just wonderin........

Did you ever stop to wonder what would happen if your dogs name was mypenis?

- Mypenis ate my homework.
- Oh no, mypenis is frothing at the mouth.
- Sorry i'm late, i was playing with mypenis.
- I'm sorry, officer. i didnt realise i had to keep mypenis on a leash.
- Mypenis doesn't come when i call it.
- Mypenis likes to crawl between the legs of guests.
- I love giving mypenis a bath.
- At night, i sleep with mypenis in my hands.
- Mypenis likes it when people stroke him.
- Mypenis needs to get more exercise. he weighs over fifty pounds.
- Playing with mypenis really wears me out.
- Would you like to see a picture of mypenis?
- I think mypenis has a mind of its own.
- I keep a picture of mypenis in my wallet.
- Whenever i get lost, mypenis points me in the right direction.
- I think mypenis is getting old because he wont get excited anymore, he just plays dead.
- Mypenis got out last night. i think he's sleeping with the lady next door.
- Mypenis loves to chase pussies in dark alleys.
- Help, i cant find mypenis.
- Sorry to be driving so slow officer, but i was looking for mypenis.
- Sorry to be driving so fast officer, i have to take mypenis to the hospital.
- Mypenis gets excited whenever the postman comes.
- Oh no, something bit mypenis!

Lights Out!!

I was doing a specific research on sum dumb thing yesterday when all of a sudden the lights went out. I was hopeless and there was nuthing i could do about it becoz it had happened to the whole area where i was living. So, i had to do sumthing which didnt include any connection to what they call "electricty" [which by the way, we dont get to do much without it]...... I was bored to death, i had to do sumthin...so i tried takin sum pics of the candle which i had lit by then...
As i was in process with the action...there were sum comments like..."hhmpft, try not to burn the house down"...and like "pls blow the candle and do that stuff, wat ever u r doin..."...........duhhh , like they dont kno the main point here is the CANDLE....
Anyways..hope u like these. :)

I'll be there.......

I’ll be there wherever you are
Walk together with you
Just like your skies
Let the sun come out, I’ll become your shade
if you are alone, I’ll become your shadow
if you are disturbed, let me ease your mind
your presence have I learnt to live
you have spread the net of happiness
have you lost yourself or found everything
wherever you are, i am there too
i'll walk like this with you
just like your skies
let the gloomy clouds loom over me
let the restlessness attack me
let any hurtful talks come to me
my heart always thought of someone to be mine
someone who I won't keep secrets from
won't open my eyes; perhaps it's a dream
wherever you are so am I
I'll walk with you
like your skies

GUESS WHO!!!!!

Looky looky....heres someone all of us know.... famous.....

Any guesses???.......

Ps: anybody who guesses right, wil be awarded FREE coffee at ur own place...

Really Means.........

Some lines where men uses, when at times they dont want us to know the real hidden meanin of what they just said, we get it, yet, we keep it to ourselves so that they are satisfied thinking they made it look sweet and thoughtful........

"It's a guy thing." - Really means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?" Really means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear." Really means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"It would take too long to explain." Really means: "I have no idea how it works."

"I'm getting more exercise lately." Really means: "The batteries in the remote are dead."

"We're going to be late." Really means: "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard." Really means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear." Really means: "Are you still talking?"

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love." Really means: "I forgot our anniversary again."

"You expect too much of me." Really means: "You want me to stay awake."

"That's women's work." Really means: "It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."

"You know how bad my memory is." Really means: "I remember the theme song , the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal." Really means: "I have severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

"I do help around the house." Really means: "I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."

"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing." Really means: "I sure hope I think of some reasons pretty soon."

"I can't find it." Really means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"What did I do this time?" Really means: "What did you catch me doing?"

"I heard you." Really means: "I have no idea what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

"You look terrific." Really means: "Oh, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

"I missed you." Really means: "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are." Really means: "I'm lost. I have no idea where we are, and no one will ever see us alive again."

"We share the housework." Really means: "I make the messes, you clean them up."

"This relationship is getting too serious." Really means: "You're cutting into the time I spend with my truck."

"I don't need to read the instructions." Really means: "I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."

True Facts About Men

1. If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach you're aiming too high.
2. Woman don't make fools of men -- most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
3. The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you're sick of him.
4. Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.
5. A woman's work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband to do.
6. If you want a nice man go for a bald one -- they try harder.
7. Go for younger men. You might as well -- they never mature anyway.
8. Men are all the same -- they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
9. Definition of a man with manners -- he gets out of the bath to pee.
10. Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is married
11. There are a lot of words you can use to describe men -strong, caring, loving -- they'd be wrong but you could still use them.
12. Men are like animals -- messy, insensitive and potentially violent -- but they make great pets.
13. Men's brains are like the prison system -- not enough cells per man.
14. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - "don't" and "stop"..
15. Husbands are like children -- they're fine if they're someone else's.

[Journey]

She was there.She didnt kno how, but she was right there. Wondered through the place, amazed yet comfortable and familiar. Before she knew it, she was flying around with the others. What made her wonder was, why she wasnt new. Forgot all her trouble. Travelling throught time....it didnt last forever...to know..she had to wake up. Wishing the journey to take her again....................she had to wait.

Examples Of Body Language

NONVERBAL BEHAVIOR --- INTERPRETATION
Brisk, erect walk --- Confidence
Standing with hands on hips --- Readiness, aggression
Sitting with legs crossed, foot kicking slightly --- Boredom
Sitting, legs apart --- Open, relaxed
Arms crossed on chest --- Defensiveness
Walking with hands in pockets, shoulders hunched --- Dejection
Hand to cheek --- Evaluation, thinking
Touching, slightly rubbing nose --- Rejection, doubt, lying
Rubbing the eye --- Doubt, disbelief
Hands clasped behind back --- Anger, frustration, apprehension
Locked ankles --- Apprehension
Head resting in hand, eyes downcast --- Boredom
Rubbing hands --- Anticipation
Sitting with hands clasped behind head, legs crossed --- Confidence, superiority
Open palm --- Sincerity, openness, innocence
Pinching bridge of nose, eyes closed --- Negative evaluation
Tapping or drumming fingers --- Impatience
Steepling fingers --- Authoritative
Patting/fondling hair --- Lack of self-confidence; insecurity
Tilted head --- Interest
Stroking chin --- Trying to make a decision
Looking down, face turned away --- Disbelief
Biting nails --- Insecurity, nervousness
Pulling or tugging at ear --- Indecision

Lines

Ever heard of crazy Men?..... A lot, right?
wel heres a little example of it:
Ive known men who believe that women hav all the fake lines to hit on guys. Im not saying we dont use lines, but Fake lines? not realy. And i hav a reasonable explanation for this as well. We dont need fake lines to hit on men, they just comes to us with just a bit of help with an eye contact and that sweet little curve (no matter what direction) on our lips...Thats how easy it is. Where as Men try all their lines just for that little smile on our face.
They mostly think that if we hav a decent conversation with a guy...its a way of luring them or we r flirting with them. aint that ridiculous? maybe they havnt heard themself flirting with women.
We do flirt. I do admit it.But the method is much more complicated and makes sense. Unlike the lines that men use 99% of their flirting.
This is a proven fact. Let me share a certain incident
There was this guy, he used to call a certain girl. What he did was he made up a 100% fake story just to get her attention.But the girl knew what he was sayin was all insane. I mean it was obvious.
Wel, he was sayin a certain girl was after him and life was miserable. Seems he didnt like the girl and he was trying his level best to get away. This guy said he even couldnt sleep, coz the girl was annoying him late night too. Said she was at his doorstep at midnight at his house and was calling him..sheesh. He couldnt even come up with a better story. Anyway, seems he was in real depression those days and he needed a very close frend.(BTW, he had a best frend already, i wonder wat he was there for)...So this girl he calls, got the hint he was making up the whole story, so she called his best frend....and there..he's busted. See? aint that a good example of how lame a person can get?
Im not sayin its a bad thing flirting...Flirt..but with true facts, not with these kinda lame stories, which may lead to a very bad situation.And my point here is that it is MEN who should be aware of this, coz its them most of the time who make this mistake.
Some fake lines practiced by men:
- "What beautiful eyes you got!!" - Like we dont use a mirror!!..hah
- "Anyman would die for you!!" - We know all men are idiotic enuf to really do that
- "Am i disturbing you, if so, tell me, ill call you later when you are free" - This one is used ,when in terms even if he knows we arnt busy,..just to be nice!
- "I'll always be there for you, no matter what.." - A line where the end of the sentence is hidden:..."I'll always be there for you, no matter what...but only times exept football matches, coffee with my frends, boys day out for girl hunting, times where great movie on TV ....etc etc"
- "I love kids" - Only when she's lookin.
- "I bet you'd be a gineous in bed!!" - Its a cheap invitation
- "You are different from all the others i've met" - blah blah blah

Calvin and Hobbes

Ad For Men

A new two year degree is being offered at LIFE UNIVERSITY that many of you should be interested in: BECOMING A REAL MAN That's right, in just six quarters you, too, can be a real man.
Please take a moment to look over the program outline.

FIRST YEAR Schedule (1):
101 - Combating Stupidity
102 - You Too Can Do Housework
103 - Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
104 - We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings

Schedule (2):
110 - Wonderful Laundry Techniques
111 - Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4AM
112 - Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception
113 - Get a Life; Learn to Cook

Schedule (3):
120 - How NOT to ACT Like an Ass When You're Wrong
121 - Understanding Your Incompetence
122 - At times, YOU, the Weaker Sex
123 - Reasons To Give Flowers

SECOND YEAR Schedule (4):
SEX101 - You Can Fall Asleep Without It
SEX102 - Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Then Take a Shower
SEX201 - How to Stay Awake After Sex
202 - How to Put the Toilet Seat Down

Schedule (5):
210 - The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
211 - How Not to Act Younger Than Your Children
212 - You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
213 - Honest - You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise, Especially Naked

Schedule (6):
220 - Omitting "@#%&*@" From Your Vocabulary
221 - Fluffing the Blanket After Farting is NOT Necessary
222 - Real Men Ask for Directions
223 - Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay

Time Table

Ps. A normal office timetable practiced by employees of this generation

IMPORTANT POINTS

These are important stuff that a woman should keep in mind whilst in contact with a man:

- Never have eye to eye contact unless you are attracted to him or u want to flirt with him. Eye to eye contact may give a hint to him that u r interested in him.
- Do not laugh frequently. Men normally consider a smile is a positive sign towards him (I know ......hopeless)
- At times of proposals on dating and if you are not interested; never let him believe you are self conscious. He may think you are fragile and weak hearted that you may never want to hurt his feelings when proposed.
- Feel free to say what ever you feel towards him. Note: Important to arrange your words in a way that it’s not rude.
- If he stares at your boobs continuously....start staring at his dick
- He invites you to a coffee, Just give him the idea that’s this is not going to be a date...make it just a casual coffee.
- If you never want to see a man again, say, 'I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have children...' – on your first date
- To keep a man attached to you talk about himself and he will listen for hours.
- A man with a pierced ear: They think its "cool", whereas we think its Gay
- If a man brings you flowers for no reason, actually there is a reason.
- Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.
- The three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'
- A genius is a man who can rewrap a new shirt and not have any pins left over. This can be a simple test to check his intelligence.
- Whenever u date a guy, u think, is this the man u want ur children to spend their weekends with?
- Never expect a man to admit he weakness….it never works
- Remember the saying: “Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river”
- Never tell a man (who flirts with u) your real age unless you like him.
- Don’t give him your phone number to him on a first sight. See if he is manly enough that he takes the risk of meeting u face to face.
- He doesn’t show up ….no one can blame u if u considered him to be a “coward” at this stage.
- Do not take the risk of expecting him to celebrate any occasions…most men hates celebrating although they do it just for the fear of the fragile heart of their beloved.(ps. It’s sweet btw)
- Men often don’t show their true feelings. Why? Because they don’t have any.
- To attract men, wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior'- It ought to work
- Before marriage, men are exciting and alive. After marriage, men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: a drink, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control
- Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

More Flowers....

Love for You

Let me sometimes think,the truth that never change

My love for You, forever sojourn

When times at, I miss your smile.

That never fades from my memory.

The days that brings us together,my life turns full of joy

And when times we part,to wonder 'do I dare?'

I question my heart.

Ever forget the smile

that,bears bliss to my mind

Time to turn back and descend the stairs

in hope of reaching out for you.

And have you known, the arms are already wide

for my love, to be wrapped in mean

and truth, the ever love for you.

QUOTE

"There are only two kinds of men - the dead and the deadly."

=Just useful information=

Calvin and Hobbes

savin my time

Calvin And Hobbes

Click on image

Just came into office...had a little nap after wakin up at the usual time.Its all someone's fault. I was on da fone til very late last night. And couldnt wake up today. He's not gettin away with this. He's in big trouble. Now he owes me a coffee.

April Fools

Its been a while since i was April Fooled. We used to pull pranks when we were in school.hehe..Lemme tel ya about a certain April.
[1996..grade 8, Aminiya School] Me and my best frends (there were 4 of us) came home from school after a normal fun day at school. We usually spent around 1/2 hr after school, outside..just havin sum fun (u kno how tiring studying is)..anyways..i had just got in and were gona have lunch when all of a sudden, there was a call. It was poisonivy (not real name), she called and gav me the sad news that mariyambu (not real name either) she just had an accident at home. Poisonivy said that mariyambu broke a glass on her feet and she was taken to the hospital immediately. I was shocked. i was getting ready to go to hospital when there was call number 2. It was Kavvalhey (again not real name).She sounded even more horrified. And gues what...she told me that POISENIVY had just broke a glass on her feet and was taken to the hospital..kekek....how silly can one get?? They were dumb enuf to mix the plan up....kekek
I told her im goin to hospital now..and to meet me there.
I called Mariyambu and told her that KAVVALHEY had an accident and related the same story..there she got the point that they were busted...this was one hillarious prank we pulled on ourselves....kekekkekekke
[FYI: Kavvalhey is no longer an active member in our group..Its just me, Poisonivy and Mariyambu. We've been best frends since 1996.Although me and poisonivy been buddies since we were registerd as earthlings...]

This year i was Fooled.. but i dont want to go into much deatils abt it
Let me giv a brief about the incident
I was in office when some of the guys from office, called and said there were pics of me in a certain website....n i fell for it..keke..
I searched and searched thru that site...cudnt find it
BTW: thank u captainhairchest for ur contribution in the search, although it was a waste..
Later on i knew i was foold...HMPFT

one of these days..they're gonna pay for it (i hope)

My status today

**koff**
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***koff****
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M
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Sick
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today***
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(ps. a fruit basket and some flowers wud make me feel much better)

Brighten up ur room!

One of my favourites ......
Sum kool simple ideas to brighten up ur room
More...http://www.candledesign.com.br/loja.html