I was wondering about important points to note in a relationships, and how people take them as. Following are some that i came across, which had made a difference in relationships. Had a litle chit chat with random people. I take them as lessons learnt.
- Love yourself first. If you didn’t, nobody would.
- Never let a man take control over you
- Let him win (even though you are best at it, just let him win, you won’t regret it)
- Do not give a 100% trust on him. He betrays you, you’d be happy you didn’t have that 100%.
- If you’re not sure, don’t let out the “love” word.
- Only love someone who loves you back
- Sex counts…a lot!
- The more you have in common, the more easier to get along
- Boredom is a problem u can’t overcome. So do not try to work it out with someone - who you cant have a conversation with.
- Once you find love, open up. Its healthy
- Set down the rules at the start of the game. You set yourself up for happiness unless you make your expectations clear from the beginning.
- If he did it to her, he’ll probly do it to you.
- If he wins, it doesn’t mean you lose. You just saved yourself some peace!
- Even though you know his daily routine, what he’s doin, you never know what he’s upto.
- If he left you for a reason, don’t bother going back. And even if you have the chance, take him into consideration attached with your rules. Don’t let him play with you again.
- If you love him like crazy, you’d probly treat him like a king – which is truly a mistake. He wud take you for granted and would forget wat you did for him. If you really wanna take the burden, you get nothing in return.
- Don’t expect him to come running after you, even if he’s the one who broke up.
- Don’t expect any miracles – like a “perfect man”
- Make the most of what you have. Love him dearly (only if that makes you happy). Who knows, when he’d want a change or take a break. You don’t get to love someone that often.
- He betrays you, yet you feel he’s at the urge to talk to you. It does not mean he regrets doing whatever he did (to leave you). He obviously feels sorry for you. This may hapn for a few days after he had done the deed. It would eventually stop after some time. You might think he’s trying to make up at first. But you’ll find out he’s just doingit out of guilt. Sory but not regret. He stops it, then you realize he’s not coming back! So much for the hope you had!
Showing posts with label Articles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Articles. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Thursday, October 16, 2008
BEFORE AND AFTER THE WEDDING
Before - You take my breath away
After - I feel like I'm suffocating
Before - Twice a night
After - Twice a month
Before - She says she loves the way I take control of a situation
After - She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac
Before - Saturday Night Fever
After - Monday Night Football
Before - Don't stop
After - Don't start
Before - Is that all you're having?
After - Maybe you should have just a salad, honey
Before - It's like I'm living in a dream
After - It's like he lives in a dorm
Before - We agree on everything
After - We can't agree on anything
Before - Victoria's Secret
After - Fruit-of-the-Loom
Before - Idol
After - Idle
Before - He's completely lost without me
After - Why won't he ever ask for directions?
Before - Time stood still
After - Where did the time go?
Before - Croissant and cappuccino
After - Bagel and instant
Before - I can hardly believe we found each other
After - I can't believe I ended up with someone like you
Before - Passion
After – Ration
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Questions and answers
The following questions and answers were collected from a GCSE exams, and are some of the answers given by British students writing their fifth form GCSE Exams . These are genuine responses from 16 year olds.
Geography
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutant like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Sociology
Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Biology
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g.abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U.
Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport
Q: Give an example of a fungus What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas.
English
Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. {do dishes}
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Technology
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab or Seikh wears on his head.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
I Asked .....
Asked to bring me happiness
Ignorant, brought me sorrow instead
then, sorrow it is.
Know not the road,
right or wrong.
Unlimited happiness - though that thought
fills me with darkness
The secret does not show itself - my wish
This darkness, I prefer
Night, when all knows, his light shines on them.
Why come as a light, not a face?
He becomes mine...
closes, as a dream; as always,
The truth which never desired.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
10 Things You Don't Know About Women
1. Women are innately self-conscious. This is not a choice; it's a gender wide condition. On a bad day, I look in the mirror and see my ten-pound-heavier alter ego.
2. Women produce half the world's food but own only 1 percent of its farmland.
3. Women like porn, too. We just hate it when you hide the porn.
4. Women remember everything. Don't believe me? Ask your girlfriend where you met. She won't tell you it was at a party. She'll say it was a Thursday, she had just come from dinner, where she ate a veggie burger, and she was wearing her friend’s pink top, which was big on her because her friend is a big girl. You were wearing a blue button-down, drinking a Coke, and talking to a friend. She waved and you gave her the "what's up" nod.
5. An eyelash curler, while mean and ferocious looking, is not a weapon.
6. No matter how much your woman loves you, there are going to be three to seven days each month when she wants you dead. (She may even quietly fantasize about turning her eyelash curler against you.)
7. We think it's weird when you watch sports and concentrate to help your team.
8. "Hey, Mona, who's the boss?" Not a good pickup line. "Hey, Phoebe, where'd you park your broomstick?" Not a good pickup line. "Hey, Alyssa, you look 250 pounds lighter than Tina in that dress." Surprisingly, good pickup line.
9. Women “get it” better than men. That's before you even factor in listening skills and attention spans. Come to think of it, I should have listed this one first because I'm sure I've lost you by now.
10. You may be surprised to know that women were responsible for inventing all of the following: the circular saw, the signal flare, the space suit, the bulletproof vest, and the windshield wiper. You're welcome.
2. Women produce half the world's food but own only 1 percent of its farmland.
3. Women like porn, too. We just hate it when you hide the porn.
4. Women remember everything. Don't believe me? Ask your girlfriend where you met. She won't tell you it was at a party. She'll say it was a Thursday, she had just come from dinner, where she ate a veggie burger, and she was wearing her friend’s pink top, which was big on her because her friend is a big girl. You were wearing a blue button-down, drinking a Coke, and talking to a friend. She waved and you gave her the "what's up" nod.
5. An eyelash curler, while mean and ferocious looking, is not a weapon.
6. No matter how much your woman loves you, there are going to be three to seven days each month when she wants you dead. (She may even quietly fantasize about turning her eyelash curler against you.)
7. We think it's weird when you watch sports and concentrate to help your team.
8. "Hey, Mona, who's the boss?" Not a good pickup line. "Hey, Phoebe, where'd you park your broomstick?" Not a good pickup line. "Hey, Alyssa, you look 250 pounds lighter than Tina in that dress." Surprisingly, good pickup line.
9. Women “get it” better than men. That's before you even factor in listening skills and attention spans. Come to think of it, I should have listed this one first because I'm sure I've lost you by now.
10. You may be surprised to know that women were responsible for inventing all of the following: the circular saw, the signal flare, the space suit, the bulletproof vest, and the windshield wiper. You're welcome.
Monday, October 22, 2007
TIPS FOR MEN
1. The reason why our bras don't always match our underwear is because WE actually change our underwear.
2. The next time you and your buddies joke about armed women in combat, take a poll to see which of you successfully aim at the toilet rim.
3. If we're watching football with you--it's not bonding--it's their butts.
4. Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say after the movie.
5. It s not her fault when she scores higher while you both play games..It comes naturally
6. Please don't drive when you're not driving.
7. If you were really looking for an honest answer, you wouldn't ask in bed.
8. The next time you joke about female drivers, research the number of accidents caused by men.
9. If only women gossip, how do you and your friends keep track of "who's easy"?
10. Keep complaining about how long your girlfriend takes to get ready, you'll soon find yourself complaining how careless she has become.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
The 9 worst things in MEN!
1.MEN LOOK CUTE RIGHT WHEN THEY WAKE UP
This is completely unfair. When a guy wakes up, his hair’s a little messy and he has that slight stubble that the models always have. Women, on the other hand, look like hell. Once, after a really great date, we woke to find a false eyelash sticking out of my nose. Best to wake up first, run into the bathroom, apply makeup, reshave all body parts, and put hot rollers in your hair. Then sneak back into bed and pretend to wake up when he does, at which point you laugh girlishly, being very careful not to get lipstick on your teeth.
2.SMALL PENISES
I’ve heard there are women who like penises small. I’ve never met a woman who does. Let’s be honest: The reason we have sex with men is because of the penis. No woman is going to prefer one she’s not even sure is there. And polite sexual etiquette does not allow you to ask, “Is that your penis, or were you eating a pickle spear in bed?”
3.LARGE PENISES
Men with large penises think they can get away with anything. Not calling. Dating other women. Burping in public. Expecting you to do their laundry. Forgetting to buy you a Groundhog Day present. They just think they’re God’s gift to women. Unfortunately, they are.
4.MEN SUDDENLY BECOME SEX-STARVED
This is a time when men can really be pigs. They tell you you’re sexy and you know they’re just lying to get you into bed. I mean, how could anyone in sweat clothes with greasy hair and a big chunk of Snickers bar on her chin look sexy? Give me a break.
5.MEN LOVE TO BUY YOU G-STRINGS
Men like looking at women in G-strings, so they buy them for us as a gift, thinking we like them. We don’t. We just pretend to like them when we open the box. OK, sure, they’re fine to wear for ten minutes when making an entrance into a bedroom right before you make love. But they’re useless for anything else. Have you ever tried to clean your house while wearing a G-string? You reach for a dust bunny under the bed and, whoa! The
string suddenly gooses you in ways you don’t want to be goosed. How about sitting on a vinyl car seat on a hot day? Or you’re wearing your G-string and, surprise, a gust of wind blows your dress up? Hello!
6. MEN LIKE A MOVIE TO HAVE AT LEAST ONE NAKED WOMAN IN IT
You reluctantly agree to go to a “guy” movie with your guy. Bruce Willis, who just won’t Die Hard. Suddenly there’s a woman in the movie, wearing almost no clothes. Why do men need this? In the hour and a half that you’ve been in the theater, have they forgotten what a naked woman looks like? Do they need a constant reminder?
7.NOSE HAIRS
Why do men grow nose hairs? Women don’t. It’s so mysterious. They even have special machines, like tiny Roto-Rooters, that you can buy for them through catalogs. A man gets very embarrassed if you mention that he has a wild stray hair.
8.MEN COULD SLEEP ALL DAY..AND STILL COMPLAIN!
Its totally unfair when on holidays they get to sleep all day, wake up and still complain about the food, what he wants to wear, what movie he doesn,t have with him, the noise which the neighbour carpenter makes, the heat (if its a sunny day), or the cold (if its a rainy day)...etc etc..I could go on like this forever..
9.A MAN WILL HOG A WHOLE DESSERT
When women eat together in a restaurant, it doesn’t matter how many there are—2, 6, 20—they will order a single dessert. And 20 forks. Then, not wanting to look like pigs, the women will divide the dessert evenly, leaving one last bite that no one will touch. A man, on the other hand, will just start chowing down on the dessert as soon as it’s set on the table. And you’d better grab a fork and dive in or you won’t get any, because a man will actually eat a whole dessert—including the last bite!
Thursday, August 30, 2007
The 9 best things in MEN!!!!
1.THEIR HAIR IS THE KEY TO THEIR PERSONALITY
You can tell how well a man will treat you simply by looking at his hair. A balding man is just so grateful to go out with you, he will treat you with the love and respect you deserve. A man with gorgeous hair will be a jerk. Take Brad Pitt in Legends of the Fall. OK, sure, that was just a character, but you know a guy with hair that beautiful is going to be a bad-news boyfriend. He’ll cheat on you, he’ll steal your conditioner. Best to go for the bald.
2.MOST MEN FEEL PRESSURED TO BUY YOU STUFF ON MAJOR HOLIDAYS
This is fabulous, except they sometimes forget a major holiday is coming up. So it’s your job to remind them. The anniversary of the first time you made love, and the anniversary of the first time he let you be in charge of the remote control. Also, it’s very important to have your gift picked out in advance; otherwise, you’re likely to get a blender or a G-string.
3.IN A RESTAURANT, MEN GO TO THE BATHROOM ALONE
Women go to the bathroom in pairs. If men went in pairs, you would wonder what they were doing in there so long. You would get paranoid. Are they talking about me? Are they rebuilding a carburetor? Are they assembling a stereo? Have they left through the bathroom window? This must be how men feel when women go, and explains why they are so insecure.
4.YOU’VE GOT A GUARANTEED DATE ON NEW YEAR’S EVE
No matter how much you want to break up with your boyfriend—even if you have to go visit him in prison—on New Year’s Eve he’d better be your date, damn it! Women do not like to be alone on New Year’s Eve. They will do anything to avoid it. I had a girlfriend who hadn’t hooked a date for the big night and was completely panicked. A guy called her up, thinking her number was the line for Domino’s Pizza, and ordered a pep-peroni with extra cheese. She delivered the pizza, they ate it, and then made mad, passionate love in his tollbooth.
5.IT’S EASY TO KNOW A MAN’S FEELINGS
Want to find out if a man really loves you? Ask him to go clothes shopping with you. Men like shopping for women’s clothes as much as they like having red-hot needles stuck in their eyes. If he’s willing to go and sits patiently while you model 14 different outfits, he really loves you. If he hits on the salesgirl while you’re in the dressing room, he doesn’t.
6.THEY CAN DO MANUAL LABOR
Men can take out garbage cans, lift sofas, and change tires. Jobs you wouldn’t want to do in a million years. Jobs that, if you absolutely had to do them, would make you cry. To get men to do these jobs, all you have to do is whine.
7.YOU CAN WEAR THEIR UNDERWEAR
Boxer shorts are amazing. They’re big, they’re baggy, most men look adorable in them, and they are wonderful to borrow. You can sleep in them, lounge around the house in them, and with a cute T-shirt and the right shoes, you can even wear boxers out to breakfast! A word of caution: Don’t borrow their jockey shorts. Jockey shorts are just too weird. They have that extra pocket in the front—what is that for? Change? Their car keys? Plus, what if, God forbid, his jockey shorts are too tight for you? This would mean that your butt is bigger than his—and is there a more depressing thought?
8.MEN AREN’T DUMB ENOUGH TO BE PROFESSIONAL CHEERLEADERS
Every professional sports team has cheerleaders. Women who run around in skimpy costumes, who follow the team from city to city, who spend hours practicing dorky routines, and who get paid almost nothing. Is this a career? Why do they do it? So they can marry one of the players and never have to work again?
9.MEN DON’T GET PERIODS
As frustrating as men can be, can you imagine what they would be like if they got periods? If you had to deal with them bragging about their gas mileage and crying because their oil needed to be changed? What if you found them hiding in the closet, reading Sports Illustrated while chugging a pint of Haagen-Dazs? Maybe it’s good they’re insensitive.
Monday, May 21, 2007
I'll be there.......
I’ll be there wherever you areWalk together with you
Just like your skies
Let the sun come out, I’ll become your shade
if you are alone, I’ll become your shadow
if you are disturbed, let me ease your mind
your presence have I learnt to live
you have spread the net of happiness
have you lost yourself or found everything
wherever you are, i am there too
i'll walk like this with you
just like your skies
let the gloomy clouds loom over me
let the restlessness attack me
let any hurtful talks come to me
my heart always thought of someone to be mine
someone who I won't keep secrets from
won't open my eyes; perhaps it's a dream
wherever you are so am I
I'll walk with you
like your skies
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
True Facts About Men
1. If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach you're aiming too high.
2. Woman don't make fools of men -- most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
3. The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you're sick of him.
4. Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.
5. A woman's work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband to do.
6. If you want a nice man go for a bald one -- they try harder.
7. Go for younger men. You might as well -- they never mature anyway.
8. Men are all the same -- they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
9. Definition of a man with manners -- he gets out of the bath to pee.
10. Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is married
11. There are a lot of words you can use to describe men -strong, caring, loving -- they'd be wrong but you could still use them.
12. Men are like animals -- messy, insensitive and potentially violent -- but they make great pets.
13. Men's brains are like the prison system -- not enough cells per man.
14. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - "don't" and "stop"..
15. Husbands are like children -- they're fine if they're someone else's.
2. Woman don't make fools of men -- most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
3. The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you're sick of him.
4. Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.
5. A woman's work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband to do.
6. If you want a nice man go for a bald one -- they try harder.
7. Go for younger men. You might as well -- they never mature anyway.
8. Men are all the same -- they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
9. Definition of a man with manners -- he gets out of the bath to pee.
10. Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is married
11. There are a lot of words you can use to describe men -strong, caring, loving -- they'd be wrong but you could still use them.
12. Men are like animals -- messy, insensitive and potentially violent -- but they make great pets.
13. Men's brains are like the prison system -- not enough cells per man.
14. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - "don't" and "stop"..
15. Husbands are like children -- they're fine if they're someone else's.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Lines
Ever heard of crazy Men?..... A lot, right?
wel heres a little example of it:
Ive known men who believe that women hav all the fake lines to hit on guys. Im not saying we dont use lines, but Fake lines? not realy. And i hav a reasonable explanation for this as well. We dont need fake lines to hit on men, they just comes to us with just a bit of help with an eye contact and that sweet little curve (no matter what direction) on our lips...Thats how easy it is. Where as Men try all their lines just for that little smile on our face.
They mostly think that if we hav a decent conversation with a guy...its a way of luring them or we r flirting with them. aint that ridiculous? maybe they havnt heard themself flirting with women.
We do flirt. I do admit it.But the method is much more complicated and makes sense. Unlike the lines that men use 99% of their flirting.
This is a proven fact. Let me share a certain incident
There was this guy, he used to call a certain girl. What he did was he made up a 100% fake story just to get her attention.But the girl knew what he was sayin was all insane. I mean it was obvious.
Wel, he was sayin a certain girl was after him and life was miserable. Seems he didnt like the girl and he was trying his level best to get away. This guy said he even couldnt sleep, coz the girl was annoying him late night too. Said she was at his doorstep at midnight at his house and was calling him..sheesh. He couldnt even come up with a better story. Anyway, seems he was in real depression those days and he needed a very close frend.(BTW, he had a best frend already, i wonder wat he was there for)...So this girl he calls, got the hint he was making up the whole story, so she called his best frend....and there..he's busted. See? aint that a good example of how lame a person can get?
Im not sayin its a bad thing flirting...Flirt..but with true facts, not with these kinda lame stories, which may lead to a very bad situation.And my point here is that it is MEN who should be aware of this, coz its them most of the time who make this mistake.
Some fake lines practiced by men:
- "What beautiful eyes you got!!" - Like we dont use a mirror!!..hah
- "Anyman would die for you!!" - We know all men are idiotic enuf to really do that
- "Am i disturbing you, if so, tell me, ill call you later when you are free" - This one is used ,when in terms even if he knows we arnt busy,..just to be nice!
- "I'll always be there for you, no matter what.." - A line where the end of the sentence is hidden:..."I'll always be there for you, no matter what...but only times exept football matches, coffee with my frends, boys day out for girl hunting, times where great movie on TV ....etc etc"
- "I love kids" - Only when she's lookin.
- "I bet you'd be a gineous in bed!!" - Its a cheap invitation
- "You are different from all the others i've met" - blah blah blah
wel heres a little example of it:
Ive known men who believe that women hav all the fake lines to hit on guys. Im not saying we dont use lines, but Fake lines? not realy. And i hav a reasonable explanation for this as well. We dont need fake lines to hit on men, they just comes to us with just a bit of help with an eye contact and that sweet little curve (no matter what direction) on our lips...Thats how easy it is. Where as Men try all their lines just for that little smile on our face.
They mostly think that if we hav a decent conversation with a guy...its a way of luring them or we r flirting with them. aint that ridiculous? maybe they havnt heard themself flirting with women.
We do flirt. I do admit it.But the method is much more complicated and makes sense. Unlike the lines that men use 99% of their flirting.
This is a proven fact. Let me share a certain incident
There was this guy, he used to call a certain girl. What he did was he made up a 100% fake story just to get her attention.But the girl knew what he was sayin was all insane. I mean it was obvious.
Wel, he was sayin a certain girl was after him and life was miserable. Seems he didnt like the girl and he was trying his level best to get away. This guy said he even couldnt sleep, coz the girl was annoying him late night too. Said she was at his doorstep at midnight at his house and was calling him..sheesh. He couldnt even come up with a better story. Anyway, seems he was in real depression those days and he needed a very close frend.(BTW, he had a best frend already, i wonder wat he was there for)...So this girl he calls, got the hint he was making up the whole story, so she called his best frend....and there..he's busted. See? aint that a good example of how lame a person can get?
Im not sayin its a bad thing flirting...Flirt..but with true facts, not with these kinda lame stories, which may lead to a very bad situation.And my point here is that it is MEN who should be aware of this, coz its them most of the time who make this mistake.
Some fake lines practiced by men:
- "What beautiful eyes you got!!" - Like we dont use a mirror!!..hah
- "Anyman would die for you!!" - We know all men are idiotic enuf to really do that
- "Am i disturbing you, if so, tell me, ill call you later when you are free" - This one is used ,when in terms even if he knows we arnt busy,..just to be nice!
- "I'll always be there for you, no matter what.." - A line where the end of the sentence is hidden:..."I'll always be there for you, no matter what...but only times exept football matches, coffee with my frends, boys day out for girl hunting, times where great movie on TV ....etc etc"
- "I love kids" - Only when she's lookin.
- "I bet you'd be a gineous in bed!!" - Its a cheap invitation
- "You are different from all the others i've met" - blah blah blah
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Ad For Men
A new two year degree is being offered at LIFE UNIVERSITY that many of you should be interested in: BECOMING A REAL MAN That's right, in just six quarters you, too, can be a real man.
Please take a moment to look over the program outline.
FIRST YEAR Schedule (1):
101 - Combating Stupidity
102 - You Too Can Do Housework
103 - Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
104 - We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings
Schedule (2):
110 - Wonderful Laundry Techniques
111 - Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4AM
112 - Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception
113 - Get a Life; Learn to Cook
Schedule (3):
120 - How NOT to ACT Like an Ass When You're Wrong
121 - Understanding Your Incompetence
122 - At times, YOU, the Weaker Sex
123 - Reasons To Give Flowers
SECOND YEAR Schedule (4):
SEX101 - You Can Fall Asleep Without It
SEX102 - Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Then Take a Shower
SEX201 - How to Stay Awake After Sex
202 - How to Put the Toilet Seat Down
Schedule (5):
210 - The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
211 - How Not to Act Younger Than Your Children
212 - You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
213 - Honest - You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise, Especially Naked
Schedule (6):
220 - Omitting "@#%&*@" From Your Vocabulary
221 - Fluffing the Blanket After Farting is NOT Necessary
222 - Real Men Ask for Directions
223 - Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
Please take a moment to look over the program outline.
FIRST YEAR Schedule (1):
101 - Combating Stupidity
102 - You Too Can Do Housework
103 - Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
104 - We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings
Schedule (2):
110 - Wonderful Laundry Techniques
111 - Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4AM
112 - Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception
113 - Get a Life; Learn to Cook
Schedule (3):
120 - How NOT to ACT Like an Ass When You're Wrong
121 - Understanding Your Incompetence
122 - At times, YOU, the Weaker Sex
123 - Reasons To Give Flowers
SECOND YEAR Schedule (4):
SEX101 - You Can Fall Asleep Without It
SEX102 - Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Then Take a Shower
SEX201 - How to Stay Awake After Sex
202 - How to Put the Toilet Seat Down
Schedule (5):
210 - The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
211 - How Not to Act Younger Than Your Children
212 - You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
213 - Honest - You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise, Especially Naked
Schedule (6):
220 - Omitting "@#%&*@" From Your Vocabulary
221 - Fluffing the Blanket After Farting is NOT Necessary
222 - Real Men Ask for Directions
223 - Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
Sunday, April 15, 2007
IMPORTANT POINTS
These are important stuff that a woman should keep in mind whilst in contact with a man:
- Never have eye to eye contact unless you are attracted to him or u want to flirt with him. Eye to eye contact may give a hint to him that u r interested in him.
- Do not laugh frequently. Men normally consider a smile is a positive sign towards him (I know ......hopeless)
- At times of proposals on dating and if you are not interested; never let him believe you are self conscious. He may think you are fragile and weak hearted that you may never want to hurt his feelings when proposed.
- Feel free to say what ever you feel towards him. Note: Important to arrange your words in a way that it’s not rude.
- If he stares at your boobs continuously....start staring at his dick
- He invites you to a coffee, Just give him the idea that’s this is not going to be a date...make it just a casual coffee.
- If you never want to see a man again, say, 'I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have children...' – on your first date
- To keep a man attached to you talk about himself and he will listen for hours.
- A man with a pierced ear: They think its "cool", whereas we think its Gay
- If a man brings you flowers for no reason, actually there is a reason.
- Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.
- The three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'
- A genius is a man who can rewrap a new shirt and not have any pins left over. This can be a simple test to check his intelligence.
- Whenever u date a guy, u think, is this the man u want ur children to spend their weekends with?
- Never expect a man to admit he weakness….it never works
- Remember the saying: “Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river”
- Never tell a man (who flirts with u) your real age unless you like him.
- Don’t give him your phone number to him on a first sight. See if he is manly enough that he takes the risk of meeting u face to face.
- He doesn’t show up ….no one can blame u if u considered him to be a “coward” at this stage.
- Do not take the risk of expecting him to celebrate any occasions…most men hates celebrating although they do it just for the fear of the fragile heart of their beloved.(ps. It’s sweet btw)
- Men often don’t show their true feelings. Why? Because they don’t have any.
- To attract men, wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior'- It ought to work
- Before marriage, men are exciting and alive. After marriage, men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: a drink, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control
- Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
- Never have eye to eye contact unless you are attracted to him or u want to flirt with him. Eye to eye contact may give a hint to him that u r interested in him.
- Do not laugh frequently. Men normally consider a smile is a positive sign towards him (I know ......hopeless)
- At times of proposals on dating and if you are not interested; never let him believe you are self conscious. He may think you are fragile and weak hearted that you may never want to hurt his feelings when proposed.
- Feel free to say what ever you feel towards him. Note: Important to arrange your words in a way that it’s not rude.
- If he stares at your boobs continuously....start staring at his dick
- He invites you to a coffee, Just give him the idea that’s this is not going to be a date...make it just a casual coffee.
- If you never want to see a man again, say, 'I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have children...' – on your first date
- To keep a man attached to you talk about himself and he will listen for hours.
- A man with a pierced ear: They think its "cool", whereas we think its Gay
- If a man brings you flowers for no reason, actually there is a reason.
- Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.
- The three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'
- A genius is a man who can rewrap a new shirt and not have any pins left over. This can be a simple test to check his intelligence.
- Whenever u date a guy, u think, is this the man u want ur children to spend their weekends with?
- Never expect a man to admit he weakness….it never works
- Remember the saying: “Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river”
- Never tell a man (who flirts with u) your real age unless you like him.
- Don’t give him your phone number to him on a first sight. See if he is manly enough that he takes the risk of meeting u face to face.
- He doesn’t show up ….no one can blame u if u considered him to be a “coward” at this stage.
- Do not take the risk of expecting him to celebrate any occasions…most men hates celebrating although they do it just for the fear of the fragile heart of their beloved.(ps. It’s sweet btw)
- Men often don’t show their true feelings. Why? Because they don’t have any.
- To attract men, wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior'- It ought to work
- Before marriage, men are exciting and alive. After marriage, men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: a drink, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control
- Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Love for You
Let me sometimes think,the truth that never change
My love for You, forever sojourn
When times at, I miss your smile.
That never fades from my memory.
The days that brings us together,my life turns full of joy
And when times we part,to wonder 'do I dare?'
I question my heart.
Ever forget the smile
that,bears bliss to my mind
Time to turn back and descend the stairs
in hope of reaching out for you.
And have you known, the arms are already wide
for my love, to be wrapped in mean
and truth, the ever love for you.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Coincidence or not?
Here's a little part of US history which makes you go h-m-m-m.
- Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
- John F Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
- Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
- John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
- The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.
- Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
- Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
- Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
- Both Presidents were shot in the head.
- Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
- Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.
- Both were assassinated by Southerners.
- Both were succeeded by Southerners.
- Both successors were named Johnson.
- Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
- Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
- John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
- Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
- Both assassins were known by their three names.
- Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
- Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Kennedy.'
- Kennedy was shot in a car called 'Lincoln.'
- Booth ran from the theater and was caught in a warehouse.
- Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater.
- Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
- And here's the kicker...
- A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
- A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.
- Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
- John F Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
- Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
- John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
- The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.
- Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
- Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
- Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
- Both Presidents were shot in the head.
- Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
- Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.
- Both were assassinated by Southerners.
- Both were succeeded by Southerners.
- Both successors were named Johnson.
- Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
- Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
- John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
- Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
- Both assassins were known by their three names.
- Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
- Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Kennedy.'
- Kennedy was shot in a car called 'Lincoln.'
- Booth ran from the theater and was caught in a warehouse.
- Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater.
- Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
- And here's the kicker...
- A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
- A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.
MARRIAGE
- Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.
- The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after. Forty is when you watch the TV during. Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.
- My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.
- I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
- My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
- When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.
- I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.
- It is a sad fact that 50 percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones!
- Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings ... and lawyers.
- In many instances, marriage vows would be more accurate if the phrase were changed to 'Until debt do us part'.
- Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
- Marriage can be viewed as the waiting room for death.
- I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.
- The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
- A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband
- Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
- Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards.
- They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.
- A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he's finished
- I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.
- After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
- Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed
- I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again.
- The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after. Forty is when you watch the TV during. Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.
- My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.
- I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
- My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
- When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.
- I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.
- It is a sad fact that 50 percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones!
- Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings ... and lawyers.
- In many instances, marriage vows would be more accurate if the phrase were changed to 'Until debt do us part'.
- Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
- Marriage can be viewed as the waiting room for death.
- I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.
- The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
- A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband
- Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
- Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards.
- They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.
- A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he's finished
- I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.
- After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
- Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed
- I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Job application
This is an actual job application that a 17-year-old boy submitted at a McDonald's restaurant in Florida....and they hired him because he was so honest and funny.
NAME: Greg Bulmash
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Was less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and 'post-it' notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
AVAILABLE FOR WORK: Of course. That's why I'm applying.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 – 3:30pm., Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UPTO 50lbs?: 50lbs. of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? : I may already be the winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job, no, on my breaks, yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb blond supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.
NAME: Greg Bulmash
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Was less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and 'post-it' notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
AVAILABLE FOR WORK: Of course. That's why I'm applying.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 – 3:30pm., Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UPTO 50lbs?: 50lbs. of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? : I may already be the winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job, no, on my breaks, yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb blond supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.
AMAZING FACTS ABOUT WOMEN...believe it or not..its true
Being a woman, i dont deny any of these....its all true. And thats why these facts makes us Special!
~ Women brush their hair before bed.
~ Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you 'just don't understand'.
~ Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.
~ Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.
~ Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.
~ Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip.
~ Women do not know anything about cars. 'Oil-stick, oil doesn't stick?'
~ Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.
~ Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there's a spider or a wasp involved.
~ Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.
~ Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control.
~ Women especially love a bargain. The question of 'need' is irrelevant; so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.
~ Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they wouldn't need toys if women had an 'on/off' switch.
~ Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
~ Women have better restrooms. They get the nice chairs and red carpet. Men just get a large bowl to share.
~ The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
~ Women don't understand the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things could be.
~ Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she's doing. It might be the lottery calling.
~ If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.
~ Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain forest.
Any WOMAN who got new facts..pls do not hesitate to send me in, that would really make this rich. Main reason y i didnt invite MEN to send in was....it probably wouldnt make any sense anyway.
~ Women brush their hair before bed.
~ Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you 'just don't understand'.
~ Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.
~ Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.
~ Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.
~ Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip.
~ Women do not know anything about cars. 'Oil-stick, oil doesn't stick?'
~ Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.
~ Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there's a spider or a wasp involved.
~ Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.
~ Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control.
~ Women especially love a bargain. The question of 'need' is irrelevant; so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.
~ Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they wouldn't need toys if women had an 'on/off' switch.
~ Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
~ Women have better restrooms. They get the nice chairs and red carpet. Men just get a large bowl to share.
~ The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
~ Women don't understand the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things could be.
~ Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she's doing. It might be the lottery calling.
~ If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.
~ Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain forest.
Any WOMAN who got new facts..pls do not hesitate to send me in, that would really make this rich. Main reason y i didnt invite MEN to send in was....it probably wouldnt make any sense anyway.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
A translation
My dawn, day and nights
everything I see, you are my world
I see you even through the minutes I pass by;
And I’m the perfect moment in your life.
How can you resist without me, away from your life?
I read from your eyes and wrote it in my heart
You have become my aim and reason to live
Your smile, your self; makes you different from others
Your eyes mesmerizing, your face reflects beauty
Yet you are in pain.
Pain, but to a beautiful reason
What is it that you hide in your heart?
Tell me what troubles you.
What makes you punish yourself?
everything I see, you are my world
I see you even through the minutes I pass by;
And I’m the perfect moment in your life.
How can you resist without me, away from your life?
I read from your eyes and wrote it in my heart
You have become my aim and reason to live
Your smile, your self; makes you different from others
Your eyes mesmerizing, your face reflects beauty
Yet you are in pain.
Pain, but to a beautiful reason
What is it that you hide in your heart?
Tell me what troubles you.
What makes you punish yourself?
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