Lesson learnt

I was wondering about important points to note in a relationships, and how people take them as. Following are some that i came across, which had made a difference in relationships. Had a litle chit chat with random people. I take them as lessons learnt.

- Love yourself first. If you didn’t, nobody would.
- Never let a man take control over you
- Let him win (even though you are best at it, just let him win, you won’t regret it)
- Do not give a 100% trust on him. He betrays you, you’d be happy you didn’t have that 100%.
- If you’re not sure, don’t let out the “love” word.
- Only love someone who loves you back
- Sex counts…a lot!
- The more you have in common, the more easier to get along
- Boredom is a problem u can’t overcome. So do not try to work it out with someone - who you cant have a conversation with.
- Once you find love, open up. Its healthy
- Set down the rules at the start of the game. You set yourself up for happiness unless you make your expectations clear from the beginning.
- If he did it to her, he’ll probly do it to you.
- If he wins, it doesn’t mean you lose. You just saved yourself some peace!
- Even though you know his daily routine, what he’s doin, you never know what he’s upto.
- If he left you for a reason, don’t bother going back. And even if you have the chance, take him into consideration attached with your rules. Don’t let him play with you again.
- If you love him like crazy, you’d probly treat him like a king – which is truly a mistake. He wud take you for granted and would forget wat you did for him. If you really wanna take the burden, you get nothing in return.
- Don’t expect him to come running after you, even if he’s the one who broke up.
- Don’t expect any miracles – like a “perfect man”
- Make the most of what you have. Love him dearly (only if that makes you happy). Who knows, when he’d want a change or take a break. You don’t get to love someone that often.
- He betrays you, yet you feel he’s at the urge to talk to you. It does not mean he regrets doing whatever he did (to leave you). He obviously feels sorry for you. This may hapn for a few days after he had done the deed. It would eventually stop after some time. You might think he’s trying to make up at first. But you’ll find out he’s just doingit out of guilt. Sory but not regret. He stops it, then you realize he’s not coming back! So much for the hope you had!

Missin Pon n Zi

BEFORE AND AFTER THE WEDDING

Before - You take my breath away
After - I feel like I'm suffocating

Before - Twice a night
After - Twice a month

Before - She says she loves the way I take control of a situation
After - She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac

Before - Saturday Night Fever
After - Monday Night Football

Before - Don't stop
After - Don't start

Before - Is that all you're having?
After - Maybe you should have just a salad, honey

Before - It's like I'm living in a dream
After - It's like he lives in a dorm

Before - We agree on everything
After - We can't agree on anything

Before - Victoria's Secret
After - Fruit-of-the-Loom

Before - Idol
After - Idle

Before - He's completely lost without me
After - Why won't he ever ask for directions?

Before - Time stood still
After - Where did the time go?

Before - Croissant and cappuccino
After - Bagel and instant

Before - I can hardly believe we found each other
After - I can't believe I ended up with someone like you

Before - Passion
After – Ration

Questions and answers

The following questions and answers were collected from a GCSE exams, and are some of the answers given by British students writing their fifth form GCSE Exams . These are genuine responses from 16 year olds.

Geography
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutant like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Sociology
Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Biology
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g.abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U.

Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport

Q: Give an example of a fungus What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas.

English
Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. {do dishes}

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Technology
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab or Seikh wears on his head.

[day dreaming]

[suppose, you are asked a question and ...."Y"]

If you don't want people to judge you, don't give them a reason for your "Y".

(i get out pretty easy this way!)

An experiment

An experiment to test how much one could fool a so called man...
I saved the following picture on my monitor desktop and asked sum one to fix my comp coz i had sum prob...and i was watching him just a few steps away..
didn't surprise me much from the response..just wat i expected!

poor thing was horrified and tryin to click the "no" button..kekekekekek!!

I Asked .....

Asked to bring me happiness
Ignorant, brought me sorrow instead
then, sorrow it is.
Know not the road,
right or wrong.
Unlimited happiness - though that thought
fills me with darkness
The secret does not show itself - my wish
This darkness, I prefer
Night, when all knows, his light shines on them.
Why come as a light, not a face?
He becomes mine...
closes, as a dream; as always,
The truth which never desired.

New Year ...[kekeke]

Tried to celebrate new year which didnt turn out well....kekek...we were totally ignored at a coffee and had to get out after nearly 1 hour...didnt get to see atleast the menu!!!

10 Things You Don't Know About Women

1. Women are innately self-conscious. This is not a choice; it's a gender wide condition. On a bad day, I look in the mirror and see my ten-pound-heavier alter ego.

2. Women produce half the world's food but own only 1 percent of its farmland.

3. Women like porn, too. We just hate it when you hide the porn.

4. Women remember everything. Don't believe me? Ask your girlfriend where you met. She won't tell you it was at a party. She'll say it was a Thursday, she had just come from dinner, where she ate a veggie burger, and she was wearing her friend’s pink top, which was big on her because her friend is a big girl. You were wearing a blue button-down, drinking a Coke, and talking to a friend. She waved and you gave her the "what's up" nod.

5. An eyelash curler, while mean and ferocious looking, is not a weapon.

6. No matter how much your woman loves you, there are going to be three to seven days each month when she wants you dead. (She may even quietly fantasize about turning her eyelash curler against you.)

7. We think it's weird when you watch sports and concentrate to help your team.

8. "Hey, Mona, who's the boss?" Not a good pickup line. "Hey, Phoebe, where'd you park your broomstick?" Not a good pickup line. "Hey, Alyssa, you look 250 pounds lighter than Tina in that dress." Surprisingly, good pickup line.

9. Women “get it” better than men. That's before you even factor in listening skills and attention spans. Come to think of it, I should have listed this one first because I'm sure I've lost you by now.

10. You may be surprised to know that women were responsible for inventing all of the following: the circular saw, the signal flare, the space suit, the bulletproof vest, and the windshield wiper. You're welcome.

Tips for all you Gals!!

Here are something i came across, just wanted to share it with u gals...easy and useful.

Lemon and Yeast Facial

1-2 tsp active dry yeast*
1 Tbsp lemon juice

Mix active dry yeast with lemon juice until it forms a paste. Spread on face and neck and allow to dry. Rinse off and moisturize. This facial is the best for eliminating blackheads, shrinking pores and generally making your skin glow - and it's so gentle you could do it every day!

*active dry yeast is sold in the baking section of most stores. It's best to refrigerate after opening.

Citrus Facial Scrub

1/2 grapefruit or orange
1 Tbsp sugar

Take half of a grapefruit or orange, dip it in the sugar, and gently rub on your face in a circular motion, avoiding the eye area. Let your skin dry, then rinse and moisturize.

Pineapple Pickup

1 slice pineapple
Warm water

Dip a washcloth in warm water and hold it to your face and neck for about a minute. Then rub the pineapple slice on your skin. Let your skin dry, then rinse with more warm water and moisturize. Tip: you can also use the rinds from a fresh pineapple!

Fruit Facial

1/4 avocado* or 1/8 papaya** or 2-3 strawberries***

Mash fruit with a fork. Apply to your face and neck. You will probably want to lay down with a towel under your head, as this mask does not dry on your skin. Rest for 5-20 minutes (the longer the better), rinse and moisturize.

Don't know what to do with those overripe bananas? Mash 1/3 of a banana that you weren't going to eat anyway, mix it with a little milk or yogurt or sour cream and apply to your skin as directed above.

For other variations on this home spa treatment, mix an egg or yogurt with the mashed fruit.

*avocado is an excellent treatment for dry, mature or dehydrated skin
**papaya enzymes are excellent for normal, oily, or combination skin
***good for all skin types - the strawberry mask tingles a bit, this is normal

Pumpkin Facial

1 Tbsp canned pumpkin (if you have fresh cooked pumpkin or raw pulp use that instead)
1 tsp honey
1 tsp lemon juice

Mix ingredients and apply to face and neck. Let sit for 10-20 minutes then rinse with warm water. You can turn this recipe into a scrub by adding 1 tsp granulated sugar. Pumpkin is rich in vitamin A which is great for the skin!

Avocado Eye Treatment

2 slices avocado

Place an avocado slice under each eye. Rest for 10-15 minutes, remove and rinse. This eye treatment reduces puffiness and it also nourishes and moisturizes the delicate undereye area.

Cucumber Eye Treatment

2 slices cucumber

Place a cucumber slice on each eye. Rest for 10-15 minutes, remove and rinse if desired. Cucumber is very soothing, mildly astringent and skin-tightening.

Lemon Water Toner

1 Tbsp lemon juice
2-3 Tbsp spring water

Mix lemon and water and apply to face with a cotton ball, avoiding the eyes. A great toner for oily skin in particular. You can make this in advance, and store in a spray bottle in the refrigerator for ease of use. Lemon water toner keeps for about a week.

Cucumber Toner

1 Tbsp minced or grated cucumber
2-3 Tbsp water

Mix cucumber and water and apply to face with a cotton ball, avoiding the eyes. A great toner for all skin types! You can make this in advance, and store in a spray bottle in the refrigerator for ease of use. Cucumber water toner keeps for about 4 days.

Tip: to simplify this recipe even further, just take 2-3 slices of fresh cucumber, rub the slices on your face and neck, leave on for 5-10 minutes and rinse if desired. Korea and Vietnam tells fresh cucumber is widely used in their countries for all its amazing benefits to the skin.

TIPS FOR MEN

1. The reason why our bras don't always match our underwear is because WE actually change our underwear.

2. The next time you and your buddies joke about armed women in combat, take a poll to see which of you successfully aim at the toilet rim.

3. If we're watching football with you--it's not bonding--it's their butts.

4. Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say after the movie.

5. It s not her fault when she scores higher while you both play games..It comes naturally

6. Please don't drive when you're not driving.

7. If you were really looking for an honest answer, you wouldn't ask in bed.

8. The next time you joke about female drivers, research the number of accidents caused by men.

9. If only women gossip, how do you and your friends keep track of "who's easy"?

10. Keep complaining about how long your girlfriend takes to get ready, you'll soon find yourself complaining how careless she has become.

They wish .....

The 9 worst things in MEN!

1.MEN LOOK CUTE RIGHT WHEN THEY WAKE UP
This is completely unfair. When a guy wakes up, his hair’s a little messy and he has that slight stubble that the models always have. Women, on the other hand, look like hell. Once, after a really great date, we woke to find a false eyelash sticking out of my nose. Best to wake up first, run into the bathroom, apply makeup, reshave all body parts, and put hot rollers in your hair. Then sneak back into bed and pretend to wake up when he does, at which point you laugh girlishly, being very careful not to get lipstick on your teeth.

2.SMALL PENISES
I’ve heard there are women who like penises small. I’ve never met a woman who does. Let’s be honest: The reason we have sex with men is because of the penis. No woman is going to prefer one she’s not even sure is there. And polite sexual etiquette does not allow you to ask, “Is that your penis, or were you eating a pickle spear in bed?”

3.LARGE PENISES
Men with large penises think they can get away with anything. Not calling. Dating other women. Burping in public. Expecting you to do their laundry. Forgetting to buy you a Groundhog Day present. They just think they’re God’s gift to women. Unfortunately, they are.

4.MEN SUDDENLY BECOME SEX-STARVED
This is a time when men can really be pigs. They tell you you’re sexy and you know they’re just lying to get you into bed. I mean, how could anyone in sweat clothes with greasy hair and a big chunk of Snickers bar on her chin look sexy? Give me a break.

5.MEN LOVE TO BUY YOU G-STRINGS
Men like looking at women in G-strings, so they buy them for us as a gift, thinking we like them. We don’t. We just pretend to like them when we open the box. OK, sure, they’re fine to wear for ten minutes when making an entrance into a bedroom right before you make love. But they’re useless for anything else. Have you ever tried to clean your house while wearing a G-string? You reach for a dust bunny under the bed and, whoa! The
string suddenly gooses you in ways you don’t want to be goosed. How about sitting on a vinyl car seat on a hot day? Or you’re wearing your G-string and, surprise, a gust of wind blows your dress up? Hello!

6. MEN LIKE A MOVIE TO HAVE AT LEAST ONE NAKED WOMAN IN IT
You reluctantly agree to go to a “guy” movie with your guy. Bruce Willis, who just won’t Die Hard. Suddenly there’s a woman in the movie, wearing almost no clothes. Why do men need this? In the hour and a half that you’ve been in the theater, have they forgotten what a naked woman looks like? Do they need a constant reminder?

7.NOSE HAIRS
Why do men grow nose hairs? Women don’t. It’s so mysterious. They even have special machines, like tiny Roto-Rooters, that you can buy for them through catalogs. A man gets very embarrassed if you mention that he has a wild stray hair.

8.MEN COULD SLEEP ALL DAY..AND STILL COMPLAIN!
Its totally unfair when on holidays they get to sleep all day, wake up and still complain about the food, what he wants to wear, what movie he doesn,t have with him, the noise which the neighbour carpenter makes, the heat (if its a sunny day), or the cold (if its a rainy day)...etc etc..I could go on like this forever..

9.A MAN WILL HOG A WHOLE DESSERT
When women eat together in a restaurant, it doesn’t matter how many there are—2, 6, 20—they will order a single dessert. And 20 forks. Then, not wanting to look like pigs, the women will divide the dessert evenly, leaving one last bite that no one will touch. A man, on the other hand, will just start chowing down on the dessert as soon as it’s set on the table. And you’d better grab a fork and dive in or you won’t get any, because a man will actually eat a whole dessert—including the last bite!

How men Communicate

The 9 best things in MEN!!!!

1.THEIR HAIR IS THE KEY TO THEIR PERSONALITY

You can tell how well a man will treat you simply by looking at his hair. A balding man is just so grateful to go out with you, he will treat you with the love and respect you deserve. A man with gorgeous hair will be a jerk. Take Brad Pitt in Legends of the Fall. OK, sure, that was just a character, but you know a guy with hair that beautiful is going to be a bad-news boyfriend. He’ll cheat on you, he’ll steal your conditioner. Best to go for the bald.

2.MOST MEN FEEL PRESSURED TO BUY YOU STUFF ON MAJOR HOLIDAYS
This is fabulous, except they sometimes forget a major holiday is coming up. So it’s your job to remind them. The anniversary of the first time you made love, and the anniversary of the first time he let you be in charge of the remote control. Also, it’s very important to have your gift picked out in advance; otherwise, you’re likely to get a blender or a G-string.

3.IN A RESTAURANT, MEN GO TO THE BATHROOM ALONE
Women go to the bathroom in pairs. If men went in pairs, you would wonder what they were doing in there so long. You would get paranoid. Are they talking about me? Are they rebuilding a carburetor? Are they assembling a stereo? Have they left through the bathroom window? This must be how men feel when women go, and explains why they are so insecure.

4.YOU’VE GOT A GUARANTEED DATE ON NEW YEAR’S EVE
No matter how much you want to break up with your boyfriend—even if you have to go visit him in prison—on New Year’s Eve he’d better be your date, damn it! Women do not like to be alone on New Year’s Eve. They will do anything to avoid it. I had a girlfriend who hadn’t hooked a date for the big night and was completely panicked. A guy called her up, thinking her number was the line for Domino’s Pizza, and ordered a pep-peroni with extra cheese. She delivered the pizza, they ate it, and then made mad, passionate love in his tollbooth.

5.IT’S EASY TO KNOW A MAN’S FEELINGS
Want to find out if a man really loves you? Ask him to go clothes shopping with you. Men like shopping for women’s clothes as much as they like having red-hot needles stuck in their eyes. If he’s willing to go and sits patiently while you model 14 different outfits, he really loves you. If he hits on the salesgirl while you’re in the dressing room, he doesn’t.

6.THEY CAN DO MANUAL LABOR
Men can take out garbage cans, lift sofas, and change tires. Jobs you wouldn’t want to do in a million years. Jobs that, if you absolutely had to do them, would make you cry. To get men to do these jobs, all you have to do is whine.

7.YOU CAN WEAR THEIR UNDERWEAR
Boxer shorts are amazing. They’re big, they’re baggy, most men look adorable in them, and they are wonderful to borrow. You can sleep in them, lounge around the house in them, and with a cute T-shirt and the right shoes, you can even wear boxers out to breakfast! A word of caution: Don’t borrow their jockey shorts. Jockey shorts are just too weird. They have that extra pocket in the front—what is that for? Change? Their car keys? Plus, what if, God forbid, his jockey shorts are too tight for you? This would mean that your butt is bigger than his—and is there a more depressing thought?

8.MEN AREN’T DUMB ENOUGH TO BE PROFESSIONAL CHEERLEADERS
Every professional sports team has cheerleaders. Women who run around in skimpy costumes, who follow the team from city to city, who spend hours practicing dorky routines, and who get paid almost nothing. Is this a career? Why do they do it? So they can marry one of the players and never have to work again?

9.MEN DON’T GET PERIODS
As frustrating as men can be, can you imagine what they would be like if they got periods? If you had to deal with them bragging about their gas mileage and crying because their oil needed to be changed? What if you found them hiding in the closet, reading Sports Illustrated while chugging a pint of Haagen-Dazs? Maybe it’s good they’re insensitive.

Dont worry..."The 9 worst things also comming up!!!!"

Nightmares!!!!

U see in ur sleep (i would't call it a "dream") that you found dead - some one whose very close to you, you really love. Your goin crazy over it that you find yourself unable to cry over the grief but still trying to burst it out. And then after a looooong time..you succeed and cry all you want, thinking about how you would survive without that person.
The same night, u see yourself having a fine and fun swim with one of your friends. The water is a bit shallow than usual. Then suddenly, the friend tries to drown you, by pushing your body a little deeper in to the water. Though the water is shallow, you find your self unable to breath with the force over your head, that you couldn't come up. The friend is enjoying the scene where you are begging for your life.......and then just as you are out of your breath and couldn't take it anymore, and just as you know its ur last minute alive...........you wake up with a shock, with tired and short breaths.

Ps: Any smart explanations for this.....u'r most welcome :)

What more proof do you need????

Top 10 things..........

The top ten things men would do if they woke up and had a vagina for a day

10. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for boobs too.
09. Immediately go shopping.............
08. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.
07. Get picked up in a café in less than 10 minutes.
06. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.
05. Make sure to use 100% protection, in order to avoid ending up being pregnant
04. Finally feel what it is like to live in a dump
03. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.
02. Have the certain urge to clean up any place u come across.
01. Never have to reach down every so often to make sure your privates are still there.

The top ten things women would do if they woke up and had a penis for a day

10. get a better paid Job.
9. Finally hits you where you feel, this is the look where they see when you are talking to a woman, and picturing her naked.
8. Feel what it’s so great when u whistle or try a line to a girl who u just ran into.
7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.
6. U don’t shave…..and nobody notices!
5. find out what its like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.
4. touch/shift yourself in public without thought to how improper it may seem.
3. jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.
2. understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a mans eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.
1. Finally gets to spend a day without being pathetically emotional.

The Difference between Men And Women....

Question - What would you do if I died? A definite no-win question.(The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Lotus and a Boat").

WOMAN: Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!
WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.
WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.
WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
MAN: (makes audible groan)
WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?
WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed.
WOMAN: - - - silence - - -
MAN: ----Shit----