BEFORE AND AFTER THE WEDDING

Before - You take my breath away
After - I feel like I'm suffocating

Before - Twice a night
After - Twice a month

Before - She says she loves the way I take control of a situation
After - She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac

Before - Saturday Night Fever
After - Monday Night Football

Before - Don't stop
After - Don't start

Before - Is that all you're having?
After - Maybe you should have just a salad, honey

Before - It's like I'm living in a dream
After - It's like he lives in a dorm

Before - We agree on everything
After - We can't agree on anything

Before - Victoria's Secret
After - Fruit-of-the-Loom

Before - Idol
After - Idle

Before - He's completely lost without me
After - Why won't he ever ask for directions?

Before - Time stood still
After - Where did the time go?

Before - Croissant and cappuccino
After - Bagel and instant

Before - I can hardly believe we found each other
After - I can't believe I ended up with someone like you

Before - Passion
After – Ration

Questions and answers

The following questions and answers were collected from a GCSE exams, and are some of the answers given by British students writing their fifth form GCSE Exams . These are genuine responses from 16 year olds.

Geography
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutant like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Sociology
Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Biology
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g.abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U.

Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport

Q: Give an example of a fungus What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas.

English
Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. {do dishes}

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Technology
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab or Seikh wears on his head.

[day dreaming]

[suppose, you are asked a question and ...."Y"]

If you don't want people to judge you, don't give them a reason for your "Y".

(i get out pretty easy this way!)

An experiment

An experiment to test how much one could fool a so called man...
I saved the following picture on my monitor desktop and asked sum one to fix my comp coz i had sum prob...and i was watching him just a few steps away..
didn't surprise me much from the response..just wat i expected!

poor thing was horrified and tryin to click the "no" button..kekekekekek!!

I Asked .....

Asked to bring me happiness
Ignorant, brought me sorrow instead
then, sorrow it is.
Know not the road,
right or wrong.
Unlimited happiness - though that thought
fills me with darkness
The secret does not show itself - my wish
This darkness, I prefer
Night, when all knows, his light shines on them.
Why come as a light, not a face?
He becomes mine...
closes, as a dream; as always,
The truth which never desired.

New Year ...[kekeke]

Tried to celebrate new year which didnt turn out well....kekek...we were totally ignored at a coffee and had to get out after nearly 1 hour...didnt get to see atleast the menu!!!